by Jenny Ferry on September 30, 2009
“It might be a quarter-life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul…”
~John Mayer
When I was the driver’s seat of my twenties looking down the road, I wasn’t always sure of what lay ahead. To be honest, I really didn’t have a clue. I think Steve Jobs said it best: “…you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.”
But as I traveled down that road – fumbling to make sense of the journey and feeling intimidated, unsure, and frustrated – I discovered a key to mentally flip the situation from impending crisis to unlikely opportunity.
So here’s an extension of the Steve Job’s theorem that I’d like to offer you: if you can’t connect the dots looking forward, then don’t overly invest in any particular outcome. Why not set your expectations at “neutral” and practice accepting alternative outcomes in life? Be open. Life is full of possibility. Approach life like the real-time, ultimate treasure hunt it is.
Here’s how the chips fell for me: When I was in my early 20s, I was offered an incredible once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do volunteer outreach and training work in Australia. How could I pass up an opportunity like that?! With no real discernible skills – I had just dropped out of my degree program – but a lot of enthusiasm, I was bound for the Land Down Under. That decision to be open to whatever came along brought complete liberation and sheer adventure. But not without a healthy dose of self-doubt and a sharp deep breath.
I was leaving behind almost two years of pre-med courses where I earned Dean’s List grades and a forward looking commitment to go to medical school. From that perspective, my future was seriously locked in, for say, the next 10 years. And I had mentally written in all the compulsory filler around a medical degree, like a handsome husband and 4 beautiful kids, a house in the suburbs, and European vacations. It was all very neat and defined. And not a lot of fun because it was somebody else’s idea of what I should do with my life.
Needless to say, that one-year volunteer experience in Australia transformed my life in ways I would have never expected. First of all, I had no idea how much I’d love facilitating training events. I learned to wind surf and snorkel and met so many fascinating people from around the world. Oh, and I randomly stumbled upon my true calling in life – helping others transform their lives through personal growth and life-long learning.
One year later I returned to the U.S. to embark on a fulfilling career in learning & development that has taken me all over the world plus empowered me to discover and follow my own dream to make a difference in the world. All while enjoying my life, but more importantly, being true to myself. Echoing the insightful lyrics of John Mayer, I’m glad I paid attention to the stirring in my soul. Crisis averted.
Truth be told: The world is your oyster. Where do you go from here?
Editor’s note: This post was orginally published in the Young Professionals blog on Life Meets Work.
Related post: Is it scary enough?
by Jenny Ferry on August 12, 2009
“Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see…”
~John Lennon
These wonderful lyrics welcomed me as I began to read Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements. Described on the cover as a practical guide to personal freedom, I saw it as a metaphysical treatise on creating your own reality. Full of profound ideas communicated with simple language, I breezed through last Saturday evening after braving the afternoon crowds to pick up a copy at Border’s.
If you haven’t yet read this universally appealing best-seller, here’s a synopsis of The Four Agreements from the inside flap:
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
I noticed two unspoken pillars supporting the four agreements: 1) perspective always matters, and 2) so does personal responsibility. The latter lead me to re-examine commitments I had made to myself.
I really started thinking more about personal commitment after I had completed a 9-month project to launch a multi-speaker workshop in early June followed by the culmination of a 2-year personal project in mid-July all topped off with a master bedroom re-model that has stretched out over the course of the summer. (And, if the stars align with the contractor’s schedule for August, I’ll be moved back into my bedroom by Labor Day. Fingers crossed.)
The last 8 weeks have really allowed me much introspection – something I’m inclined to anyways as a card-carrying introvert. Coming off of the topsy-turvy lifestyle of juggling multiple projects, I’ve now carved out time to “sit.” Making time to relax has been paramount for me to revitalize my energy following this stint of immense activity. So, I’ve started a daily practice of mindful meditation in both the morning and evening, greatly enhanced by the healing sound of ocean waves and Tibetan singing bowls. Yup, if it sounds very New Agey – it is. Yet, it’s extremely tranquilizing.
More to the point, this space of time has allowed me to renew personal commitments to myself. And I want to clearly distinguish this from goal setting. Both may involve activity, but simply put: goals are something you aspire to; a commitment is a promise or pledge to do. I also think it’s interesting to notice that goals have a terminal point whereas a commitment can be continuous. In fact, by committing I’m not trying to get somewhere, instead I’m purposefully sanctioning what’s important to me. Right now that means:
- Being conscious of The Four Agreements in my daily interactions.
- Enjoying my “sitting” practice. For up to 15 minutes in the morning and evening, I’m engaged in mindful meditation.
- Preparing and eating healthy foods. Realigning my nourishment habits to support my health and well-being.
- Engaging daily in restorative body work. Some days I practice specific asanas (or yoga poses). Other days I practice burst training (or high-intensity interval training). Occasionally, I schedule a full body massage.
- Honoring my essential self and allowing full self-expression. At times, we all lose touch with people, places or things that make us feel more fully alive. Both discovering and cultivating this practice is imperative to enjoying life to the fullest. Deeply. Richly. Sweetly.
These are just a handful of the personal commitments I’ve made – or renewed – to invigorate my life with the pleasure of what’s important to me. What’s important to you? What commitments have you made or would you like to make to yourself? Imagine a line on the floor in front of you, once you cross it – no turning back – you’re saying “YES” to what?
Photo credit: iammagic.com
Hi, I'm Jenny Ferry. I offer musings from my personal journey, one snapshot at a time through the eyes of a serial thriver. I also get my kicks by helping individuals design the life they crave. Anything's possible when you're thriveable. 
