the ability to thrive is your natural state

A serendipitous moment occurred in my life a few weeks back. I was up to my eyeballs in boxes & bubble wrap in preparation for my move to Phoenix only 48 hours away and I decided to just take a day off to invest in my mental health.

Well, actually much more than that. I had devoted the entire day to attending Andy Dooley’s magical workshop called BreakTHROUGH: How to become an Unstoppable, Irresistible, Deliberate Creator! And, boy, did he deliver. Andy’s infectious humor and effervescent enthusiasm transformed a bland hotel meeting room into pure bliss.

One of the most powerful moments of the day for me was developing awareness around the stories we tell ourselves. I sat up and listened intently when Andy asked: “Which came first, the story or REALITY?” And here’s the kicker, folks – “The story always comes first.” He elaborated, “The hardest part of telling a new story is believing it when you’re surrounded by conditions that don’t support it. Remember, reality is a temporary illusion.”

My personal stories include the mundane and simple, “I forget things,” to much more elaborate and arcane rubbish that reeks of drama, neediness, panic, insecurity that makes my brain hurt unnecessarily. So as we were challenged to do, I wanted to start telling myself new stories and begin feeling differently, feeling good about the reality I am creating for myself. Right here. Right now.

Particularly, I’m determined to move my fixation off the one thing that’s out of whack in my life and focus on the gazillion things that I can actively appreciate here and now…all just by telling myself another story.

As a professional coach, I regularly help people examine and process their present and visualize their future. But just for a moment, I want to look back with you.

Childhood memories can be a major stumbling block, filled with drama and trauma. (Blah, blah, blah. Nothing that a few years in psychotherapy couldn’t help. Right?) I think it’s a very rare few who walk away from that experience completely unscathed.

So, dear reader, I decided to tell myself another story about my own time of wonder. Here’s a glimpse of the magic that made my childhood truly special:

• Meeting the prima ballerina from the New York City Ballet at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center after their performance of Swan Lake during the summer of my sixth year.

• Visiting the Great White North (aka Canada) in our Volkswagen pop-up camper van one glorious July. Seeing the tide come in at the Bay of Fundy and driving through New Brunswick and Nova Scotia, then boarding the car ferry to Newfoundland for several weeks of family camping euphoria.

• Traversing the streets of Boston from the jumpseat in the back of a Checker Cab.

• Trying to get my mouth around the 3 inch thick roast beef & Russian dressing on rye sandwich at Joe’s Deli (which I’m not sure exists anymore…) in Albany, NY. (Apologies to my vegetarian readers!)

• Collecting seashells and crabs by the bushel in Searsport, Maine.

• Taking the train to New York City for a Dad and Daughter lunch date at Manny Wolf’s (now Smith & Wollensky’s in Midtown).

From the outside, I’m sure this looks like a wonderfully elitist upbringing for a white chick from New England. Ok, I’ll give you that…as a good sociologist from UCLA enlightened me on such things in grad school. But I will gently remind you that there’s a flipside here. Let’s just say, in this life, we all need compassion. Regardless of circumstances. No judgment. Lots of love. And, for me, a cup of coconut gelato would top this off nicely, too! <wink>

What’s important here is that I can be conscious, awake and aware around the stories that I tell myself. I can create my own reality based on the script I decide to run through my head. So can you.

Tell yourself a new story. How can you change your focus? What can you appreciate about your life right now?

P.S. Andy Dooley’s BreakTHROUGH workshop may be coming to a town near you…if so, check him out!

Photo credit: nophoto4jojo on Flickr

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