A serendipitous moment occurred in my life a few weeks back. I was up to my eyeballs in boxes & bubble wrap in preparation for my move to Phoenix only 48 hours away and I decided to just take a day off to invest in my mental health.

Well, actually much more than that. I had devoted the entire day to attending Andy Dooley’s magical workshop called BreakTHROUGH: How to become an Unstoppable, Irresistible, Deliberate Creator! And, boy, did he deliver. Andy’s infectious humor and effervescent enthusiasm transformed a bland hotel meeting room into pure bliss.

One of the most powerful moments of the day for me was developing awareness around the stories we tell ourselves. I sat up and listened intently when Andy asked: “Which came first, the story or REALITY?” And here’s the kicker, folks – “The story always comes first.” He elaborated, “The hardest part of telling a new story is believing it when you’re surrounded by conditions that don’t support it. Remember, reality is a temporary illusion.”

My personal stories include the mundane and simple, “I forget things,” to much more elaborate and arcane rubbish that reeks of drama, neediness, panic, insecurity that makes my brain hurt unnecessarily. So as we were challenged to do, I wanted to start telling myself new stories and begin feeling differently, feeling good about the reality I am creating for myself. Right here. Right now.

Particularly, I’m determined to move my fixation off the one thing that’s out of whack in my life and focus on the gazillion things that I can actively appreciate here and now…all just by telling myself another story.

As a professional coach, I regularly help people examine and process their present and visualize their future. But just for a moment, I want to look back with you.

Childhood memories can be a major stumbling block, filled with drama and trauma. (Blah, blah, blah. Nothing that a few years in psychotherapy couldn’t help. Right?) I think it’s a very rare few who walk away from that experience completely unscathed.

So, dear reader, I decided to tell myself another story about my own time of wonder. Here’s a glimpse of the magic that made my childhood truly special:

• Meeting the prima ballerina from the New York City Ballet at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center after their performance of Swan Lake during the summer of my sixth year.

• Visiting the Great White North (aka Canada) in our Volkswagen pop-up camper van one glorious July. Seeing the tide come in at the Bay of Fundy and driving through New Brunswick and Nova Scotia, then boarding the car ferry to Newfoundland for several weeks of family camping euphoria.

• Traversing the streets of Boston from the jumpseat in the back of a Checker Cab.

• Trying to get my mouth around the 3 inch thick roast beef & Russian dressing on rye sandwich at Joe’s Deli (which I’m not sure exists anymore…) in Albany, NY. (Apologies to my vegetarian readers!)

• Collecting seashells and crabs by the bushel in Searsport, Maine.

• Taking the train to New York City for a Dad and Daughter lunch date at Manny Wolf’s (now Smith & Wollensky’s in Midtown).

From the outside, I’m sure this looks like a wonderfully elitist upbringing for a white chick from New England. Ok, I’ll give you that…as a good sociologist from UCLA enlightened me on such things in grad school. But I will gently remind you that there’s a flipside here. Let’s just say, in this life, we all need compassion. Regardless of circumstances. No judgment. Lots of love. And, for me, a cup of coconut gelato would top this off nicely, too! <wink>

What’s important here is that I can be conscious, awake and aware around the stories that I tell myself. I can create my own reality based on the script I decide to run through my head. So can you.

Tell yourself a new story. How can you change your focus? What can you appreciate about your life right now?

P.S. Andy Dooley’s BreakTHROUGH workshop may be coming to a town near you…if so, check him out!

Photo credit: nophoto4jojo on Flickr

Oh ya! Honestly. Life tastes soooo good. At least for me: That’s my life these days. It’s about time I let you in on the haps.

Well, you know I’m rockin’ a new life these days and it’s all about immersing in the experience of the *now*. Right now. In this very moment, I’m curious: what’s going on in your head and how are you flowing with it?

It’s certainly no secret. The majority of us live in our heads to one degree or another. Me, particularly. I’ve always lead a full, rich cerebral life. Streams of consciousness, entire conversations, detailed scenarios, and intricate analyses unfold with great ease within the confines of my delicate gray matter. At times, I can readily articulate the vastness of what lies therein. Other times, I’m at a total loss and can easily find external mediums – like music – to convey deep emotion or emerging feelings.

Paradoxically, I can be too close to my own intimacy – my desire for deep human connection. My own or that of others. Often this leaves me with a healthy fear of treading even closer or lingering too long in this space. As a female – not to sound gender-biased – I’m probably on the low end of the emotional display scale. I don’t cry easily. Not too much ruffles my feathers. I’m easy-going. You know, laid back. All in all, as most everyone who knows me well would attest: I’m a pretty balanced individual.

So it totally caught me off guard when I relocated to Phoenix in the last week and found myself strapped into an emotional rollercoaster. Let’s face it. Moving sucks. And as tears were streaming down my face, I thought to myself: Why am I doing this YET AGAIN. I’ve been there. Done that. However, I’d much rather: Be here. Doing this. (kudos, Benjy, for this fabulous expression!!!) And this is precisely the point. We – as humans – are subject to a myriad of feelings. Emotions. This is the domain of the right brain and they’re pretty reliable signals. (Left brainers, critical thinkers, hard scientists, etcetera…feel free to argue this point.) I, on the other hand,  have – albeit reluctantly – learned to heed their beck & call as an awakening. Their message can be subtle but powerful. When they rear their head, I remind myself to take a deep breath and consider my perspective. Fortunately, the Universe – by a way of a good friend – came to my rescue this week…

So over the past few months, I’ve been immersing myself in feeling my feelings, listening to my body, leaning into the fear…or whatever has bubbled up. It bolsters my already striking confidence. I have felt the dichotomy of feeling both powerful and helpless/fearful. Like a perpetual see-saw, tilting back & forth between these two spaces. Yet, I resoundingly hear the ring of my father’s words in my ear: “This too shall pass.” Yes, I know the truth of these words as I have experienced time & time again.

Look. There’s a magic to what goes on inside of you. You just have to tap into it…and not be afraid to plummet the depths of your internal world. I revel in the fact that human emotion, intuition and pure artistic talent can trump science any day of the week. But, hey, don’t take my word for it. There’s a fascinating story of how Umami – the fifth taste – was discovered.

While sitting at a CEO Panel discussion to a group of young professionals this morning, I was reminded once again: Learning begins when you start *living* your life. So what tastes good? Well, the immersion into my own experience, my own feelings, my own desires.

What about you? How have you immersed in your own life? What does full engagement look like to you? I’m so sure that your own prescriptive is unique!

Update June 9, 2010: I found a wonderful article on HuffPo that discusses emotions from a Buddhist perspective. Good read.

Hey. It’s me, Jenny. Wonder where I’ve been? Well, I’ll get to that. For now, I’m just thrilled – almost beyond words – to be back here. Thrilled to have a voice and a place to express it. And I’m especially grateful to you for reading. And listening.

Of course, there’s an enormous back story here. I will, at some point, attempt to wade through those murky waters with you. But for today, I’m going to just drop the bombshell: I ended a 10-year marriage on January 1, 2010.

There. Said it. Moving on. So let’s switch gears a bit so that I can share with you where I am right now. I want to fill you in on my exuberant re-emergence into my own life.

I wish I could say that over the last few months that I was off gallivanting in some exotic land particularly on a beach and even more specifically with an enthralling someone (obviously, not said husband of recently ended marriage). But alas, no. I was completely engulfed by a chrysalis. Encapsulated. Still. Waiting. This time of inactivity is misleading for, in reality, the inward workings within the pupae are orchestrating the makings of the destined butterfly to come. Relinquishing an old life to embrace an entirely new life. Free. Unfettered. Transformed. Beautiful.

For me, the expression of my metamorphosis appeared just after the first of the year by way of my Facebook status updates. Here’s what bubbled up in those very first moments of my fresh new life:

“Always bear in mind your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” ~Abraham Lincoln
January 4 at 10:49am

There’s just no other way to say it simply: Life is good. (And those t-shirt peeps are definitely on to something…)
January 16 at 9:12pm

[Innocuous, but somehow indicative of change…]
Today was the day I decided to change my beverage of choice at Starbucks. Now tipping back a decaf Americano.
January 18 at 9:23pm

Authenticity & aliveness are showing up in magical ways in my life. And it feels sooooo good.
January 28 at 11:23am

Do you get TUT? Today was just too good not to share:
“Would you ever take a journey, if you knew
ahead of time that you’d become hopelessly
lost, have your heart broken into pieces, and
sometimes wish you’d never been born?

Now, how about if you knew ahead of time that
on that very same journey you’d also find
yourself, fall… passionately in love, and live
happily ever after?

Yeah, I know, you made the same choice a
long, long time ago.

Que bueno,
The Universe”
[TUT's Adventurers Club::www.tut.com]
January 29 at 10:51am

“To arrive is to be in prison.” ~Henri Matisse
January 31 at 1:32pm

It’s just a little over a month now, but my new house is actually starting to feel like home…or should I say “Om”…it’s totally peaceful here!
February 3 at 11:33am

Jenny Ferry wants to blow the lid off possibilities in ALL aspects of my life! Now…where to start…
February 11 at 7:59am

Today’s shower musing: authentic communication, personal responsibility, and commitment make a sweet trifecta.
February 11 at 9:07am
[In this case, the commitment is to myself and my personal growth…I seriously think this topic is grounds for an entirely separate post.]

Jenny Ferry is falling in love all over again…with my very own LIFE! Happy V-day everyone!!! ♥
February 14 at 1:55pm

Jenny Ferry is learning to *see* in the blind spots. Embracing what I didn’t know that I didn’t know. Shall we call it ‘expansion’?
February 16 at 11:13am

Watching the sunrise and being taken away by Norah Jones – Nightingale… ♫  http://blip.fm/~l5f9w
February 17 at 7:14am

I know it’s just a glimpse. But I really wanted to start somewhere. Anywhere. To be back here on this blog with you. And it feels so good to get this out!

What makes you come alive? What lights up your life and makes you feel the enormity of your humanity? Where do you live on the pinnacle? I’d love to know.

P.S. Want in on my status updates? Feel free to friend me on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/jennyferry

“It might be a quarter-life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul…”

~John Mayer

When I was the driver’s seat of my twenties looking down the road, I wasn’t always sure of what lay ahead. To be honest, I really didn’t have a clue. I think Steve Jobs said it best: “…you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.”

But as I traveled down that road – fumbling to make sense of the journey and feeling intimidated, unsure, and frustrated – I discovered a key to mentally flip the situation from impending crisis to unlikely opportunity.

So here’s an extension of the Steve Job’s theorem that I’d like to offer you: if you can’t connect the dots looking forward, then don’t overly invest in any particular outcome. Why not set your expectations at “neutral” and practice accepting alternative outcomes in life? Be open. Life is full of possibility. Approach life like the real-time, ultimate treasure hunt it is.

Here’s how the chips fell for me: When I was in my early 20s, I was offered an incredible once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do volunteer outreach and training work in Australia. How could I pass up an opportunity like that?! With no real discernible skills – I had just dropped out of my degree program – but a lot of enthusiasm, I was bound for the Land Down Under. That decision to be open to whatever came along brought complete liberation and sheer adventure. But not without a healthy dose of self-doubt and a sharp deep breath.

I was leaving behind almost two years of pre-med courses where I earned Dean’s List grades and a forward looking commitment to go to medical school. From that perspective, my future was seriously locked in, for say, the next 10 years. And I had mentally written in all the compulsory filler around a medical degree, like a handsome husband and 4 beautiful kids, a house in the suburbs, and European vacations. It was all very neat and defined. And not a lot of fun because it was somebody else’s idea of what I should do with my life.

Needless to say, that volunteer experience in Australia transformed my life in ways I would have never expected. First of all, I had no idea how much I’d love facilitating training events. I learned to wind surf and snorkel and met so many fascinating people from around the world. Oh, and I randomly stumbled upon my true calling in life – helping others transform their lives through personal growth and life-long learning.

Two years later I returned to the U.S. to embark on a fulfilling career in learning & development that has taken me all over the world plus empowered me to discover and follow my own dream to make a difference in the world. All while enjoying my life, but more importantly, being true to myself. Echoing the insightful lyrics of John Mayer, I’m glad I paid attention to the stirring in my soul. Crisis averted.

Truth be told: The world is your oyster. Where do you go from here?

Editor’s note: This post was orginally published in the Young Professionals blog on Life Meets Work.

Related post: Is it scary enough?

“Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see…”

~John Lennon

These wonderful lyrics welcomed me as I began to read Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements. Described on the cover as a practical guide to personal freedom, I saw it as a metaphysical treatise on creating your own reality. Full of profound ideas communicated with simple language, I breezed through last Saturday evening after braving the afternoon crowds to pick up a copy at Border’s.

If you haven’t yet read this universally appealing best-seller, here’s a synopsis of The Four Agreements from the inside flap:

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

I noticed two unspoken pillars supporting the four agreements: 1) perspective always matters, and 2) so does personal responsibility. The latter lead me to re-examine commitments I had made to myself.

I really started thinking more about personal commitment after I had completed a 9-month project to launch a multi-speaker workshop in early June followed by the culmination of a 2-year personal project in mid-July all topped off with a master bedroom re-model that has stretched out over the course of the summer. (And, if the stars align with the contractor’s schedule for August, I’ll be moved back into my bedroom by Labor Day. Fingers crossed.)

The last 8 weeks have really allowed me much introspection – something I’m inclined to anyways as a card-carrying introvert. Coming off of the topsy-turvy lifestyle of juggling multiple projects, I’ve now carved out time to “sit.” Making time to relax has been paramount for me to revitalize my energy following this stint of immense activity. So, I’ve started a daily practice of mindful meditation in both the morning and evening, greatly enhanced by the healing sound of ocean waves and Tibetan singing bowls. Yup, if it sounds very New Agey – it is. Yet, it’s extremely tranquilizing.

More to the point, this space of time has allowed me to renew personal commitments to myself. And I want to clearly distinguish this from goal setting. Both may involve activity, but simply put: goals are something you aspire to; a commitment is a promise or pledge to do. I also think it’s interesting to notice that goals have a terminal point whereas a commitment can be continuous. In fact, by committing I’m not trying to get somewhere, instead I’m purposefully sanctioning what’s important to me. Right now that means:

• Being conscious of The Four Agreements in my daily interactions.

• Enjoying my “sitting” practice. For up to 15 minutes in the morning and evening, I’m engaged in mindful meditation.

• Preparing and eating healthy foods. Realigning my nourishment habits to support my health and well-being.

• Engaging daily in restorative body work. Some days I practice specific asanas (or yoga poses). Other days I practice burst training (or high-intensity interval training). Occasionally, I schedule a full body massage.

• Honoring my essential self and allowing full self-expression. At times, we all lose touch with people, places or things that make us feel more fully alive. Both discovering and cultivating this practice is imperative to enjoying life to the fullest. Deeply. Richly. Sweetly.

These are just a handful of the personal commitments I’ve made – or renewed – to invigorate my life with the pleasure of what’s important to me. What’s important to you? What commitments have you made or would you like to make to yourself? Imagine a line on the floor in front of you, once you cross it – no turning back – you’re saying “YES” to what?

Photo credit: iammagic.com