Hey. It’s me, Jenny. Wonder where I’ve been? Well, I’ll get to that. For now, I’m just thrilled – almost beyond words – to be back here. Thrilled to have a voice and a place to express it. And I’m especially grateful to you for reading. And listening.

Of course, there’s an enormous back story here. I will, at some point, attempt to wade through those murky waters with you. But for today, I’m going to just drop the bombshell: I ended a 10-year marriage on January 1, 2010.

There. Said it. Moving on. So let’s switch gears a bit so that I can share with you where I am right now. I want to fill you in on my exuberant re-emergence into my own life.

I wish I could say that over the last few months that I was off gallivanting in some exotic land particularly on a beach and even more specifically with an enthralling someone (obviously, not said husband of recently ended marriage). But alas, no. I was completely engulfed by a chrysalis. Encapsulated. Still. Waiting. This time of inactivity is misleading for, in reality, the inward workings within the pupae are orchestrating the makings of the destined butterfly to come. Relinquishing an old life to embrace an entirely new life. Free. Unfettered. Transformed. Beautiful.

For me, the expression of my metamorphosis appeared just after the first of the year by way of my Facebook status updates. Here’s what bubbled up in those very first moments of my fresh new life:

“Always bear in mind your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” ~Abraham Lincoln
January 4 at 10:49am

There’s just no other way to say it simply: Life is good. (And those t-shirt peeps are definitely on to something…)
January 16 at 9:12pm

[Innocuous, but somehow indicative of change…]
Today was the day I decided to change my beverage of choice at Starbucks. Now tipping back a decaf Americano.
January 18 at 9:23pm

Authenticity & aliveness are showing up in magical ways in my life. And it feels sooooo good.
January 28 at 11:23am

Do you get TUT? Today was just too good not to share:
“Would you ever take a journey, if you knew
ahead of time that you’d become hopelessly
lost, have your heart broken into pieces, and
sometimes wish you’d never been born?

Now, how about if you knew ahead of time that
on that very same journey you’d also find
yourself, fall… passionately in love, and live
happily ever after?

Yeah, I know, you made the same choice a
long, long time ago.

Que bueno,
The Universe”
[TUT's Adventurers Club::www.tut.com]
January 29 at 10:51am

“To arrive is to be in prison.” ~Henri Matisse
January 31 at 1:32pm

It’s just a little over a month now, but my new house is actually starting to feel like home…or should I say “Om”…it’s totally peaceful here!
February 3 at 11:33am

Jenny Ferry wants to blow the lid off possibilities in ALL aspects of my life! Now…where to start…
February 11 at 7:59am

Today’s shower musing: authentic communication, personal responsibility, and commitment make a sweet trifecta.
February 11 at 9:07am
[In this case, the commitment is to myself and my personal growth…I seriously think this topic is grounds for an entirely separate post.]

Jenny Ferry is falling in love all over again…with my very own LIFE! Happy V-day everyone!!! ♥
February 14 at 1:55pm

Jenny Ferry is learning to *see* in the blind spots. Embracing what I didn’t know that I didn’t know. Shall we call it ‘expansion’?
February 16 at 11:13am

Watching the sunrise and being taken away by Norah Jones – Nightingale… ♫  http://blip.fm/~l5f9w
February 17 at 7:14am

I know it’s just a glimpse. But I really wanted to start somewhere. Anywhere. To be back here on this blog with you. And it feels so good to get this out!

What makes you come alive? What lights up your life and makes you feel the enormity of your humanity? Where do you live on the pinnacle? I’d love to know.

P.S. Want in on my status updates? Feel free to friend me on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/jennyferry

“It might be a quarter-life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul…”

~John Mayer

When I was the driver’s seat of my twenties looking down the road, I wasn’t always sure of what lay ahead. To be honest, I really didn’t have a clue. I think Steve Jobs said it best: “…you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.”

But as I traveled down that road – fumbling to make sense of the journey and feeling intimidated, unsure, and frustrated – I discovered a key to mentally flip the situation from impending crisis to unlikely opportunity.

So here’s an extension of the Steve Job’s theorem that I’d like to offer you: if you can’t connect the dots looking forward, then don’t overly invest in any particular outcome. Why not set your expectations at “neutral” and practice accepting alternative outcomes in life? Be open. Life is full of possibility. Approach life like the real-time, ultimate treasure hunt it is.

Here’s how the chips fell for me: When I was in my early 20s, I was offered an incredible once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do volunteer outreach and training work in Australia. How could I pass up an opportunity like that?! With no real discernible skills – I had just dropped out of my degree program – but a lot of enthusiasm, I was bound for the Land Down Under. That decision to be open to whatever came along brought complete liberation and sheer adventure. But not without a healthy dose of self-doubt and a sharp deep breath.

I was leaving behind almost two years of pre-med courses where I earned Dean’s List grades and a forward looking commitment to go to medical school. From that perspective, my future was seriously locked in, for say, the next 10 years. And I had mentally written in all the compulsory filler around a medical degree, like a handsome husband and 4 beautiful kids, a house in the suburbs, and European vacations. It was all very neat and defined. And not a lot of fun because it was somebody else’s idea of what I should do with my life.

Needless to say, that volunteer experience in Australia transformed my life in ways I would have never expected. First of all, I had no idea how much I’d love facilitating training events. I learned to wind surf and snorkel and met so many fascinating people from around the world. Oh, and I randomly stumbled upon my true calling in life – helping others transform their lives through personal growth and life-long learning.

Two years later I returned to the U.S. to embark on a fulfilling career in learning & development that has taken me all over the world plus empowered me to discover and follow my own dream to make a difference in the world. All while enjoying my life, but more importantly, being true to myself. Echoing the insightful lyrics of John Mayer, I’m glad I paid attention to the stirring in my soul. Crisis averted.

Truth be told: The world is your oyster. Where do you go from here?

Editor’s note: This post was orginally published in the Young Professionals blog on Life Meets Work.

Related post: Is it scary enough?

“Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see…”

~John Lennon

These wonderful lyrics welcomed me as I began to read Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements. Described on the cover as a practical guide to personal freedom, I saw it as a metaphysical treatise on creating your own reality. Full of profound ideas communicated with simple language, I breezed through last Saturday evening after braving the afternoon crowds to pick up a copy at Border’s.

If you haven’t yet read this universally appealing best-seller, here’s a synopsis of The Four Agreements from the inside flap:

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

I noticed two unspoken pillars supporting the four agreements: 1) perspective always matters, and 2) so does personal responsibility. The latter lead me to re-examine commitments I had made to myself.

I really started thinking more about personal commitment after I had completed a 9-month project to launch a multi-speaker workshop in early June followed by the culmination of a 2-year personal project in mid-July all topped off with a master bedroom re-model that has stretched out over the course of the summer. (And, if the stars align with the contractor’s schedule for August, I’ll be moved back into my bedroom by Labor Day. Fingers crossed.)

The last 8 weeks have really allowed me much introspection – something I’m inclined to anyways as a card-carrying introvert. Coming off of the topsy-turvy lifestyle of juggling multiple projects, I’ve now carved out time to “sit.” Making time to relax has been paramount for me to revitalize my energy following this stint of immense activity. So, I’ve started a daily practice of mindful meditation in both the morning and evening, greatly enhanced by the healing sound of ocean waves and Tibetan singing bowls. Yup, if it sounds very New Agey – it is. Yet, it’s extremely tranquilizing.

More to the point, this space of time has allowed me to renew personal commitments to myself. And I want to clearly distinguish this from goal setting. Both may involve activity, but simply put: goals are something you aspire to; a commitment is a promise or pledge to do. I also think it’s interesting to notice that goals have a terminal point whereas a commitment can be continuous. In fact, by committing I’m not trying to get somewhere, instead I’m purposefully sanctioning what’s important to me. Right now that means:

• Being conscious of The Four Agreements in my daily interactions.

• Enjoying my “sitting” practice. For up to 15 minutes in the morning and evening, I’m engaged in mindful meditation.

• Preparing and eating healthy foods. Realigning my nourishment habits to support my health and well-being.

• Engaging daily in restorative body work. Some days I practice specific asanas (or yoga poses). Other days I practice burst training (or high-intensity interval training). Occasionally, I schedule a full body massage.

• Honoring my essential self and allowing full self-expression. At times, we all lose touch with people, places or things that make us feel more fully alive. Both discovering and cultivating this practice is imperative to enjoying life to the fullest. Deeply. Richly. Sweetly.

These are just a handful of the personal commitments I’ve made – or renewed – to invigorate my life with the pleasure of what’s important to me. What’s important to you? What commitments have you made or would you like to make to yourself? Imagine a line on the floor in front of you, once you cross it – no turning back – you’re saying “YES” to what?

Photo credit: iammagic.com

I’ve been mulling over this concept for months now. Maybe years. It’s like a good old-fashioned homemade soup* – in my mind, of course. Start with fresh chicken stock. Add some sliced ginger. A few cloves of garlic. And simmer. Finish with coconut milk. Forget the microwave; it’s just not going to produce anything nearly as tasty.

It’s a truth we’re not always willing to own up to. Sometimes things just take time. And that’s the way it is. Period. We’ve psyched ourselves up for the sprint when we should have been preparing for the marathon. And, no, it’s not a half-marathon. In life, we’re all here to go the full distance. The whole 26 miles and 385 yards.

Two things coexist here, begging to be considered simultaneously: scope and pace. What’s the big picture look like? And what’s it going to take to get there? I’m not necessarily talking about goal setting. I’m talking about the ultimate BIG picture here and how one goes about customizing and fine tuning the training schedule.

My fixation for understanding has been wrapped around pacing myself in life. Is it a universally held truth that I must accept and conform to the tempo of the status quo? What if I actually discovered my very own personal life rhythm? I’ve heard the beat of my own drum and, you know, it actually sounds really good to me. And it doesn’t mean I have to accomplish X by the time I hit 30 or whatever. Anyways, I have no regrets about waiting until I was over 30 to:

• Complete my undergraduate (and graduate) education
• Get married

And it took me yet another decade to:

• Have a child
• Buy a home

A bit unconventional? Yes, for some. But not for me. It’s been a great ride of joy and contentment. Without bumps? Absolutely not. But I wouldn’t trade the slow boat to China for a Learjet. It’s just not my style. Oh, and I’m convinced I’m in good company, too.

“I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate.”

~Julia Child

Did it inhibit my ability to thrive? No, not in the least. I vividly remember an anthropology professor whose encouragement inspired me to enroll as a returning student. Certainly, his boost was welcome. But the fact is: I was ready. I wanted to experience the “higher learning.” Ah, there it is, plain, yet in its full glory: experience.

How do you experience your life? Have you found your inner drummer? I’d love to know how you pace yourself without getting caught up in the ubiquitous need for speed.

Photo credit: Joe Brandt

*Editor’s note: I like to cook. If you’d like the recipe for a quicker version of Tom Ka Gai (Thai Coconut Chicken soup), just email me for a deliciously simple recipe. Paradoxical? Nah, I love to experience food more than prepare it. ::wink::

I have to admit it; the power of choice hit me hard in my early 20s. But it started out with the littlest of choices. Freshman year of college in Boston, I couldn’t handle living with my roommate. She and her boyfriend reminded me too much of my parents – all serious & boring – living a monochromatic life. So, it wasn’t hard to decide to move two floors up to live with my friends, Julie & Tina.

Amid the flashing Christmas lights, non-stop strains of John Barleycorn Must Die, and the makeshift “refrigerator” of a shopping basket hung out the window, we three were caught in the dilemma of whether to add food coloring to the fish tank. To me, I was now living a vibrant, Technicolor life in an 8 x 8 dorm room. It wasn’t hard to make that choice, yet it was so liberating. I felt instant freedom.

However little, that decision showed me that conscious choice opens up possibility. As I looked around, it wasn’t only my former roommate that lacked vitality – it was my whole environment. I felt confined by my New England upbringing and well-schooled, hard-working, high-achieving, status-conscious relatives – probably due to my mixed Jewish/Irish-American roots. I was willing to venture further afield. I would transfer to a school out West. Again, not so hard to do.

I ended up in Boulder at CU and loved the Rocky Mountain way. I learned how to play hacky-sack and watched would-be rock jocks scale apartment building walls. But in some ways, it was more of the same. I was really looking for something that had deep meaning to me and I wasn’t finding it. But what was that next move? It had to be bigger, bolder. I hadn’t challenged myself to the point of scary.

Yet scary is where I landed when I decided to ditch my college education in favor of engaging in volunteer training & outreach work for a global non-profit organization half-way around the world. Um, now I was facing a steep cliff of fear. What would the consequence of this decision be? How were my parents going to react when I tell them? Let’s just say, it wasn’t pretty. But I did it. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I stuck to my convictions. I was ready to bungee-jump into L-I-F-E.

Incidentally, I made this radical choice during the 1982 recession. I was 19 when I touched down in Australia and two years later when I returned to the U.S. at 21, I was a different person. I still faced all the growing pains and challenges of early adulthood – I just did it in the midst of this incredible adventure. And with this post script: economies be damned.

Oh yeah, and I randomly stumbled upon my life calling – helping individuals become aware through conscious choice that their lives can be fulfilling, dynamic, extraordinary – that they can thrive their lives no matter what the circumstances. I had no idea one little choice would lead to the unconventional path of my 20s or my professional dream come true.

So what is it about choice? Every day you are making choices and those choices become your life. That’s exactly how it works for all of us.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”  ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I challenge you to make a choice that’s outright scary.* If anything’s possible, what’s next for you? What’s your bold move? Think of that leap you’ve been wanting to make. Imagine jumping off the fear bandwagon: what are you doing and how does it feel? How does your life rock after that?

*Gentle word of caution: I am not advocating putting life & limb in harm’s way. Be wise, be prudent. Take a healthy non-dangerous risk and see what happens.

Photo credit: Eric Baillargeon

Editor’s note: This post was originally published on October 27, 2008 on Brazen Careerist. With many recent college graduates hitting the job market, it seemed apropos to re-post it here & now, albeit slightly adapted. jf